WORDS ARE THINGS: Intermedia poetics and language-based works. Wednesdays at the new GREEN PAPAYA Art Projects. #41 T. Gener St. corner Kamuning Rd., QC, 8:30pm. This week: Raya Martin, Bea Camacho, Khavn de la Cruz, Mark Salvatus, and special guest Angelo Vermeulen. (Last week featured Vermeulen, Adam David, Pocholo Goitia vs. John Torres, Vim Nadera w/ Mike Coroza & Teo Antonio.) Curated by Angelo V. Suarez.

in the latter, the famous make-up artist fanny serrano came. he looked so tired from the plane ride. he just came from the philippine expo which took place in pomona. he did a demo: the fundamentals of how to put make-up. he also introduced his fanny serrano line of make-up. i must say that i love his concealer. the concealer [when applied] is not heavy or cakey. i didn’t really want to approach fanny because he seems to be mataray. but when he said, “hali ka dito iha“, it seems like i had no other choice but to follow. he was trying to figure out the color of concealer. i was a walnut/chestnut. basta nut. then he said that he liked my morena color and the color of my jet black hair. i shouldn’t change neither of them. wow. naks. he seemed to be tripping on my lips. he liked my lips. he told me to try the red lipstick. but i don’t wear lipstick at all. i’m hesitant because i might look like a pokpok. hahaha. but in fairness carry. hahaha.

after the demo, me and my mother got to speak to fanny. he gave us his number in the philippines. he was shock as to how old i was. we were talking and he was like…

don’t dye your hair [like red] bagay na sa’yo yan. maganda noo mo, maganda ilong mo, maganda yung lips mo. pag nag debut ka ako ang magmake-up sa’yo.

hahaha. i said, “tita fanny i’m way past my debut 25 years old na po ako.” and fanny said “HAAA … na fake-han mo ako”.

riverside is such a long drive. but kuya edgar’s house was nice. the drive home was nice. the stars were out to play. there was one big one. geeeeesh i wish it heard my wish. hahaha. sana sana.

Hindi ko mawari ang nasa sa loobin ko. sari-saring sentimyento na bumabagabog sa utak ko — parang isang daan lamok lumilipad, walang kasing ingay. Nakakabalisa! At wala ka rin magawa kasi hindi naman lahat ng bagay ay may solusyon o agad agad malulutasan lalo na kung ang problema ay tungkol sa pag-ibig. Pilitin mo man dun din ang bagsak. Tama nga nanay ko na mahirap kalimutan ang kaunaunahang lalake sa buhay mo. Mahirap talikuran. Tumakbo man, tumatakbo pa-ikot pabalik sa kanya. Anak nang tinapa!

it’s on my mind right now. it floats every now and then in the forefront of my mind. it’s complicated. yet at the same time it’s lovely. when in the moment things are simple and it feels right. it feels raw and honest. words are at times not of necessity but one can engross whatever sentiment is present at the moment. words are of course invaluable but i can’t seem to find my tongue in fear of being tactless and forthright, and above all be exposed to such vulnerability. it is downright scary. i have always been comfortable in expressing my emotions, in that, i am not afraid to delve into it. it is one of the things i take pride in, is my self-awareness. but i was not always comfortable showing my emotions to people. even in my close knit of friends. the three words i cannot seem to utter. sigh. so i compensate through my words and actions. one day i’m going to be able to blurt it out.

i read this somewhere,

“never apologize for showing feelings. when you do so, you apologize for truth.”

i like it. it doesn’t actually tie in to what i am saying but i just saw it. i wanted to add it. yown.

I found this cool site benettonplay, which has a lot of cool stuff. One is which is Flipbook maker. I used to get a kick out of those when I was younger. So, I made one.

it is inconceivable to think of the possibilities. but it is a farfetched dream that i wouldn’t mind dwelling in at all. i’m a damn fool.

you are neither real nor fake but a MIXTURE of both,
as you are made real by memories that are
INTANGIBLE in nature.

I want to become the kind of parent he was. I would like to embraced life as he did and faced it head on even if he was facing death. Life can be so complicated sometimes with various bullshit mingling and other adversities that come up. But he makes it sound so easy and doable. That is because of his never give up attitude and eternal optimism. He teaches us that the kid in us should never die — that we should continue to dream and set out to achieve those dream. He teaches us that anything is possible.

They say, the good die young. Yes, they do. Randy Pausch was an extraordinary.

some of the quotes that got me

Loyaly is a two way street…. Never give up…. Get a feedback loop and listen to it…. Show gratitude…. Don’t complain. Just work harder….

Remember brick walls let us show our dedication. They are there to separate us from the people who don’t really want to achieve their childhood dreams. Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap.

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

It’s very important to know when you’re in a pissing match. And it’s very important to get out of it as quickly as possible.“

dr. jung has made my work week. i haven’t smiled like that for a very long time. he made me blush and giggle like a school girl. oh man. how i love to go to work.

fortunately, i wasn’t dressed too shabbily tonight. for some reason i had the energy to fix myself up today. and it’s nice when the person you want to look at you, takes notice of you and acknowledges you not by the compliments he gives but by the way he looks at you and how he is around you sighs. brought a smile to my face and it carried on till i finished the task at hand.

he says, “we’re crossing paths again. we seem to cross paths a lot.” hay naku wish ko lang araw araw nga. came back to the room and we had a mini conversation. haseeeesh.. haseeeesh.