Verbal Doodling

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random musings and sentisization

sentimientos

Hindi ko mawari ang nasa sa loobin ko. sari-saring sentimyento na bumabagabog sa utak ko — parang isang daan lamok lumilipad, walang kasing ingay. Nakakabalisa! At wala ka rin magawa kasi hindi naman lahat ng bagay ay may solusyon o agad agad malulutasan lalo na kung ang problema ay tungkol sa pag-ibig. Pilitin mo man dun din ang bagsak. Tama nga nanay ko na mahirap kalimutan ang kaunaunahang lalake sa buhay mo. Mahirap talikuran. Tumakbo man, tumatakbo pa-ikot pabalik sa kanya. Anak nang tinapa!

Filed under: kagaguhan, sweat|blood|tears , ,

ilusyon

you are real –
as real as the sound of
keys clicking/clacking to
the beat of my words
strumming rapidly
out of my mind.
YAHOOOOO!
you are a fake –
a figment of my imagination.
the clatter of tapped keys
slowly fades away and so do
you. now, you’re just a spectre -
an illusion conjured up in a
drunken stupor.

you are neither real nor fake but a MIXTURE of both,
as you are made real by memories that are
INTANGIBLE in nature.

Filed under: sweat|blood|tears ,

WILD GOOGLE-GOOSE CHASE

It started with the mention of Tony Serrano’s name and his work Quantum Fluctuations, which I bought at National Bookstore out of whim. I didn’t know who he was but obviously of great standing in Filipino literature. Gelo Suarez suggested Cesar Ruiz Aquino [and his work In Samarkand] since I enjoyed Serrano’s work. So, I left Gelo alone because he was at the office. His Meebo was going beserk and I took notice because it kept popping on and off of my screen. It started a short convo about books. We parted, ironically, by saying our respective hellos. Isn’t that a good way to say goodbye, by ending it with a beginning? It has no sense of finality.

Okay. Off I googled. Leche! Time flew and an hour passed by. It was like a wild google-goose chase. I managed to find at least one. Oh but that poem I found was mind-orgasmic and intellectually complex layered with metaphors, euphony and such.

    Word Without End

East, the horizons and all the learning
Lost. Sick for Siquijor or Avalon
O I could for the sheer sight of her throw
Verses away! Let the Virgins carry

Virgule widdershins upon the fairy
Earth, the same that on the world’s first morning
Left her traces, her face an eidolon
Of whiteness for the chilled blood to know

Or for one word and one word only go
Void as days all misspent for the starry
Echo of a night come without warning
Like a thousand thieves stealing on and on

Love, tongue-tied, is my Tetragrammaton
Opening no door, giving leave to no
Vendaval that, priceless, she might tarry
Even as the sands and there’s no turning

First stanza opens with a sense of location and time. East is the direction where the sun rises. This is where it begins and at the beginning the persona states dislocation by being “lost”. His sense of self and intellectual acuity is of disused to him. He longs for the exotic (Siquijor — place in the Visayas) and the mystical (Avalon — place in Arthurian legend where King Arthur was laid to rest). Here enters his raison d’ĂȘtre and at the sheer sight of her makes him poetic [throw verses away]. His idolation for her continues in the second stanza. But the love interest pays no attention [ hence, widdershins -- means in a direction that is contrary to the sun's course and it is also means unlucky]. He is at the east and the maiden is going in the opposite direction. Her face of eidolon left him terrified, unable to muster anything [chilled blood]. Fear grips at the sight of the love interest — in fear of rejection. Aquino could also be alluding to the mythological tale of Daphne and Apollo. Poets often allude to Apollo, since he is the patron of music and poetry.

The story of Daphne and Apollo is a sad one. As a revenge for what Apollo had said, Eros/Cupid shot him with a golden arrow that at the sight of Daphne inflamed his heart. A leaden arrow shot at Daphne, which caused her to spurn his love. He chases her. She runs away and ask her father the river God for help (to change her image). She turned into a tree, a laurel tree. Since she couldn’t be his wife, she will be his tree. As an homage to Daphne, he wears her — the laurel wreath as his crown.

The persona was doomed to begin with as Apollo’s fate was with Daphne, ineffectual in his pursuit. Days go by and many sleepless nights passes and nothing happens. He is tongue-tied. [Opening no door, giving leave to Vendaval] indicates of being rejected. Vendaval, the wind, signifies movement and for her leave. He hopes that she stays longer [she might tarry]. But time is against him. Sands connote that phrase “the sands of time”. It makes me think of the soap Days of Our Lives and its intro:

Like sands through the hourglass, so our the days of our lives…hehehe

Word Without End
is poignant but quite romantic. An elegant, well-written poem of unrequited love and its pains. Love is a word without end, as Aquino points out. If you notice, there are no periods in the verses. You can go into a loop and go back at the beginning. It invokes the old adage that “love makes the world go round.” The first letters of each line, of each verse spells love. There are four verses. Each verse containing 40 syllables, which is divisible by four. So the whole four thing is an occurring theme. It’s not self-limiting to mathematical aspects but invokes a certain associations with anything (relating) to fours. For example, 4 elements (earth, wind, air, fire) and or 4 seasons (spring, summer, fall, winter). It touches spiritual aspect, going back to his usage of Tetragrammaton. It is a Hebrew word for God represented by four consonants [YWHW or JHVH], which in turn can be deciphered by any four letter word. Love is a four letter word, an embodiment of God. God is love. Love is his God. Love is dynamic that fuses the physical, spiritual as well as metaphysical aspects, which makes us feel at one not only within ourselves, within other people, within our environment, within nature but most of all one within a higher being.

My purpose is not to critique Aquino’s poem because I am in no position. I critically dissected it, to better digest the meaning. I’m just at awe and full of admiration of his intellectual acuity and this piece of work aligned in Filipino literature is BRILLIANT. A sense of nationalistic pride. Bravo!

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sweet caramel

It won’t do to stir a deep desire, to fan a hidden fire that can never burn true.

This song, Caramel, by Suzanne Vega has a haunting effect: the kind that lingers in your mind and attaches itself to related memories. It’s about something you shouldn’t have. It’s good but the taste of heaven is incomparable to the damage it may incur. Part of the lure is that you can’t have it and that makes you want it more. Part of the danger is getting addicted to it…and long for you.

Filed under: sweat|blood|tears , ,

sentisizing

solitude drapes the nightscape w/imagery of you,
you & me, and our late night naughtitudes.
i lay etherized under your shadow
– a fortified tower of doom –
as words, scenes likes stills
affixed in the ceiling like a constellation
w/o a recognizable form,
splattered like a jigsaw:
an insoluble case
w/ a never-ending addendum of pieces.

i want to subjugate you like a conquistador
into submission – unwavering savagery of Cortes
and circumnavigate
the very edges of your mind, every inch of your body,
and nestle in your soul.
i want to dive in the very depths of your heart,
synchronize it in line with mine.
do to it, yes,
“what spring does to cherry trees”.

i want you like i want my morning coffee,
a taste of bittersweet,
je ne sais quoi,
can’t put my finger on it – heaven.
i need my morning coffee -
like an addict in need of a fix,
the jump-start to my day,
and my evening digestif.
i am an addict of you.
born not out of habit
but out of desire.

the night accompanies my solitude,
as i lay etherized under the cold
shadows that enveloped me.
the scenic lovescape affixed
in my mind
w/a recognizable form
of you.

Filed under: sweat|blood|tears , ,

choux pastry heart

he can be the coldest person on earth sometimes. he can be selfish. he can be cool and detached. i hate it. it breaks my heart. despite his shortcomings and his sometimes assholish behavior, i still love him.

Filed under: sweat|blood|tears

 

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