it is quite an interesting state to be in sedation (or in the process of being sedated) because you are blanketed by the arms of sleep. the medicine slowly lulls you to sleep. but claritin-d and i have a turbulent relationship. the medicine kicks in and your senses becomes somewhat numb and you feel soft. one would think the next step would be for me to be knocked out. in the contrary, i am not knocked out. i am partially awake -obviously- and my body is trying to shut down but the brain is still in motion. i am in between being knocked out and being awake; ergo, a vision of a zombie-like creature that smells like vicks. how lovely! instead of tossing and turning X amount of times, cursing and fake sleeping, i decided to write. it enables me to compartmentalize my disarrayed thoughts so that i can digest it and understand it. this is when my left-brain goes to work and into overtime: analyzing and scrutinizing it to pieces.
it’s on my mind right now. it floats every now and then in the forefront of my mind. it’s complicated. yet at the same time it’s lovely. when in the moment things are simple and it feels right. it feels raw and honest. words are at times not of necessity but one can engross whatever sentiment is present at the moment. words are of course invaluable but i can’t seem to find my tongue in fear of being tactless and forthright, and above all be exposed to such vulnerability. it is downright scary. i have always been comfortable in expressing my emotions, in that, i am not afraid to delve into it. it is one of the things i take pride of is my self-awareness. but i was not always comfortable showing my emotions to people. even in my close knit of friends. the three words i cannot seem to utter. sigh. so i compensate through my words and actions. and i read this somewhere, “never apologize for showing feelings. when you do so, you apologize for truth.”
Filed under: one of those moments
Very nice!!